MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! ohmygod, ohmygod. i want to thank my mother for spawning a cretin with such obsessive tendencies and then there's my fiance who gracefully suffered award season neglect. i'd also like to thank my cat sasha who i stood on whilst rushing to the tv but most of all, this is for YOU; my burnt out old laptop. you have been on my knee through all of this, battered by my thudding fingers on a constant google search for "oscars 2011" I love you all.
don't worry about me; i'll get there some day
But let's cut through all the frivolous imaginary speeches and acceptance formalities and skip straight into the sparkly, spangly, glittery territory of Oscar fashion and see who made us laugh, cry, gag and pull our gracious loser faces.
the nominees for best dressed starlet are...
Mila Kunis in Elie Saab. The lavender tone romantically touched upon her honey skin tone whilst the drawn in, waist cinching shape perfectly highlighted her softly toned feminine figure and her BOOBS. goddamnit, you couldnt ignore those if you were blindfolded.
Hailee Steinfeld in custom Marchesa. This was a perfect princess gown, age appropriate for her 14 years. The dreamy off-white colour and dainty tea length voiced fairytale innocence and had a cute personal touch as the actress aided the design.
Scarlett Jonhansson in dolce and gabbana. The plum colour complemented her golden hair with a relaxed bohemian atmosphere sensually injected by lace and backless detail. what a sex kitten.
Natalie Portman continuing the flare for purple, in a bump skimming rodarte dress. the beading detail deflects attention from her mid-section and gracefully caresses her decolatage.
Cate Blanchett taking a risk in Givenchy Couture. TO.DIE.FOR. she brings refined elegance to an editorially structured piece in keeping with the oscar colour trend in a delicate lilac. wow.
Hilary Swank in Gucci couture. This strapless floor length sequined dress is glamorously sophisticated and stylishly twisted with splaying feathered accents. she might not be nominated but she can be her own glistening statuette.
and the winner is........
Emma Stone in chanel haute couture at the Vanity Fair party
Loooosseerrrrssss (ha ha)
Florence Welch in Valentino. get out of my life you frumpy mess. and brush your bloody hair
Reese Witherspoon in Armani. yawn
Anne Hathaway in Valentino. where's the wedding?
Gwyneth Paltrow in Calvin Klein. puh-lease dont hate on me, i don't know how i feel about this tin foil condom dress but i'm swaying towards hatred
Jennifer Hudson in a Versace tangerine disaster. You won an oscar once upon a time, we geddit, go home honey....and cover yourself up
This has absolutely sod all to do with fashion but it's funny nonetheless.
Christian Bale accepting his award NORAH, I SEE JESUS. teehee
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